Idaho State Appleseed Brochure

[Ham Radio]

Hi Everybody!!
I was asked to do this awhile ago, so sorry I didn't get it done earlier. I have been really busy with summer, garden and all that.

The brochure is a tri-fold, put on a 8.5" by 11" inch piece of paper, oriented landscape. So, if anybody is going to print it, make sure you click landscape.
I had a hard time getting the right words for it, so I think that it is going to need lots of improving, but here it is. Tell me any improvements you think it needs, and I will see what I can do! Thanks!

[Ham Radio]

Ok, so the brochure has been downloaded 10 times, but no comments. What do you guys think?

[techres]

Ok, so the brochure has been downloaded 10 times, but no comments. What do you guys think?

It looks very good!  Excellent that you focussed the flyer on more than shooting and gave history and heritage their proper place.  Good job.

There are some edit you might consider:

1. On the front flap (outside page, right column) get a picture in there with a face in it.  Happy, nice, person with or without a rifle.  Then move logo banner to the bottom, under the text.
2. Fill in the marksmanship column a tad.  Perhaps a paragraph about teaching new shooters and safety.
3. The inside text needs to be justified Left just like the outside text is.
4. Add the event price in dollars in the text.  Don't hide it, tell it and let them know how cheap it is.
5. Add contact info and some direction to schedule, or just add in some schedule directly.  Or just name ranges.  Whatever, just give them who, where, when info since you have already done a great job on what and why.

Looks great, don't stop, keep going!  

Techres

[Fred]

     Yep, good job.

     "Marksmenship" on the inside as a title should be "Marksmanship" - right?

     Add in techres' comments, and you have an outstanding brochure!

[Evenstar]

The outside of the brochure - where it's talking about the price - there's some grammar issues.

This is what it says: So, at this Point you must be wandering how much does this excellent program cost?

Edit: So, at this point you must be wondering how much this excellent program costs.

Or: So, at this point you must be wondering, "How much does this excellent program cost?"

[Ham Radio]

Thanks for the comments everyone!! They are very helpful! I have made the changes that you all suggested and so here the revised copy. If there is anything that still needs improved, please tell me!!
Thanks!!

[Ham Radio]

So........What do you guys think?

[RangeRat]

Where's the outside pdf to download?

[Ham Radio]

Where's the outside pdf to download?

Oops, sorry about that. Thanks for pointing that out. I have modified my post the so outside is on there. Thanks!

[Ham Radio]

So........What do you guys think?

[TruTenacity]

I haven't looked over the brochure with a fine tooth comb yet.  The one thing I'd change because of personal preference is making the space below the pictures a bit larger.  This frames the pictures better and make it more appealing to the eye.  I'll look at it more critically soon.  Thanks for your work on this, Ham

[SavageShootr]

Hi HamRadio,

Thank You for doing this. It looks like you did a lot of work. Overall it looks great. Here are a few things that I noticed.

This line under cost, All other attend at normal even fees.. Should that read, "All others attend at normal event fees."?

Then this line, same column,
"We always prefer students bring their
own equipment to be trained on, but have
a reserve of loaner rifles and ammunition
for use. If you are in need of any
equipment, just let us know ahead of
time, and we can get you covered."

The words in red are not needed. I believe it will flow better without them.

I like to tell people to bring .22 ammunition. It makes them a bit more responsible.

I also say, we "will attempt" rather than we "can" We "can" sounds like a guarantee.

The next thing that stands out to me is the web address. Yes, I know the www.appleseedinfo.com will work. I heard it explained well by Trisha. The reason it should be posted as www.appleseedinfo.org is that we are an organization.

At the bottom, where the schedule is listed, it says "July schedule", then has 2010 schedule.

All these things are minor. It is much easier to notice these, than it is to come up with it in the first place. I applaud your efforts.

In the next column, there is a space missing between the words fastestgrowing

All these things are minor. It is much easier to notice these, than it is to come up with it in the first place. I applaud your efforts.

I have not read through the whole thing. I need to get off here for awhile. 

SS

[tdow]

+1 what SavageShootr said, especially regarding loaner rifles and ammo.  I try to bring loaners, but sometimes they're already spoken for.  I don't bring ammo.  I expect that the shooters should be able to do at least that, although I have heard of instructors helping out with ammo if a shooter runs out. 

I would pull the whole paragraph.  It's always been an unspoken rule that if you get in touch with an instructor, they will try their best to help.

I wouldn't want to inadvertently create an entitlement mentality, because we will get some showing up empty handed expecting to be handed a rifle and ammo.

--Todd

[Ham Radio]

Thanks for the comments everybody!! I made the changes that you all suggested, and updated the original post with the revised flier. Read it, and tell me what you think!
Thanks!