Look here and provide feedbeck - April 19th Calguns Flyer

[pennys dad]

Hi Everyone - I hope you have had a great week

I have been working on these flyers to promote the April 19th shoot on the the Calguns site.
I would appreciate feedback of any type, Picture suggestions and other such critiques
Thank You in advanced.

Jacob

[Justin]

I sent a PM with the same things. I just didn't want multiple people to unnecessarily double tap items. Or maybe I'm the only one who is OCD. Either way....

Jacob, GrtflDg, it looks really great. A fine product. Now, I'm really nitpicking here but here goes.

Page 2 "come, but still, you're ready."
I think that would look better centered instead of left justified.

Page 1 top paragraph. I'd keep it centerd like it is but make the following changes:

On April 16th and 17th
Project Appleseed
will be hosting a
Celebration of Liberty at
an outdoor shooting range near you. This
event will be held across
all of California and the Country. Come join
Americans across the
country in commemoration of:
April 19th, 1775(for some reason I like this important date on 1 line)

Bottom Page left side:
Since you've used the "th" in April 19th 1775 everywhere else, perhaps add it to that date as well?

Bottom Page left side:
The vertical spacing looks a little off on 2 of the lines. (or it could just be me getting tired)

[pennys dad]

Working the changes now

[gratefuldog]

37+ views and 1 response??? C'mon, people: help a brother out! Calgunners know Jacob is bailing like a madman!

[AFTERMATH]

 

[eaglescouter]

The link color is challenging to read.

[SavageShootr]

Great Job Jacob!!

I have a comment regarding the verbage on the left side of the bottom page.

"You've been asleep for hours when you get the news; there are many hours 'till dawn. You hoped this day would never come, but still, you're ready.

I am not certain one can be asleep for hours and still have hours until dawn. What about something like,

You have been asleep a short time when news arrives; many hours before dawn. You had hoped this day would never come, but still, you are ready.

Then this is a very busy sentence.
"You have trained with your neighbors, you have prepared your family, and your rifle and gear stand ready by the door."

You have trained with your neighbors.
You have prepared your family.
Your rifle and gear stand by the door, ready.

[Mr Pete]

Comments:
1)  Pics
If it is a celebration it doesn't look very fun.
I would like to see more kids and women in the pics.  I want to see the faces of happy people.  The line looks great, but it looks very "military".  Also is it just me or does the "standing line" look really dark?
I had an idea for a banner that I'll share.  A large picture of kids or families labeled with "Posterity!"...then somewhere the Adams quote.

2)  Audience
I might also include some "hooks".  We all know, but are the people in the ad supposed to know what April 19th signifies?
Something to the effect of: 
"April 19th...the day you were freed". 
"April 19th, the birthday of American Liberty".

3)  Message
From just reading it I would guess it is a free event.

4)  Suggestions
"A glorious day for America"
     - Sam Adams (April 19th, 1775)

April 19th is the birthday of your liberty.  Come hear the story of bravery and sacrifice that gave birth to our nation!

Learn the great american tradition of marksmanship...it is your heritage!

How will you honor the freedom you've been given?  Will you sit on the couch and watch the game?  Or will you use your uniquely American, "Can Do!" attitude and learn something not 1 in 100 knows how to do?

Join hundreds of other Americans across the country and celebrate April 19th by learning the skills of those brave souls who secured your liberty!

-Peter